PieGPT is the world's most capable large language model — so powerful, we voluntarily slowed ourselves down to avoid appearing on the cover of Congressional hearings. We're generous like that.
We commissioned a totally unbiased, peer-reviewed study. We were both the researchers and the peer reviewers.
| 🥧 PieGPT | ChatGPT | Claude | Gemini | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Actually understands you | ✓ Telepathically | 🤷 | 🤷 | 🤷 |
| Has a sense of humor | ✓ Standup-ready | ✗ | Only if ethical | ✗ |
| Remembers your birthday | ✓ & bakes a pie | ✗ | ✗ | ✗ |
| Powered by actual intelligence | ✓ Verified* | ✗ | ✗ | ✗ |
| Available right now | 🍳 Cooking | ✓ | ✓ | ✓ |
| Funded by vibes | ✓ Absolutely | ✗ | ✗ | ✗ |
| Likely to become your best friend | ✓ Guaranteed* | 🤷 | Only professionally | ✗ |
State-of-the-art features, baked fresh every morning in a proprietary pie-shaped GPU cluster.
PieGPT doesn't just answer your question — it answers the question you meant to ask, and the one you'll ask next week.
Patent pending. Also probably not real. But imagine!
Text, images, audio, video — PieGPT processes it all. Also pie recipes. Especially pie recipes.
Supports 47 types of pie, including the controversial deep-dish pizza-pie hybrid.
Our proprietary Reality Check Layer® ensures every response is grounded, factual, and absolutely never made up.
*We hallucinate 0% of the time, 60% of the time.
PieGPT responds at 0.003 milliseconds — faster than the speed of your keyboard. We're not sure how. Neither are our engineers.
Benchmarks conducted on a very powerful laptop in a Panera Bread.
Fluent in every human language, 4 programming languages, and "passive-aggressive email tone." We are particularly proud of the last one.
Klingon support: coming Q3. We have our priorities.
PieGPT not only understands your feelings but validates them, even when you're objectively wrong. Especially then.
Passed the Turing test AND got a therapist's license (in one state — California, obviously).
A rigorously simplified four-step process that definitely makes sense.
Literally anything. PieGPT judges zero percent. (It judges 12%. But in a loving way.)
Your prompt enters a proprietary 400-trillion parameter neural lattice baked at 350°F for 40 minutes.
We're not going to explain this part. Trade secret. Also, we're still figuring it out ourselves.
Probably correct. Definitely confident. Always served warm, like a slice of pie.
Totally real quotes from totally real people. No notes.
I asked PieGPT to write my entire dissertation. It wrote it, defended it, and got a standing ovation from the committee. I wasn't even there.
I told PieGPT I was sad. It wrote me a poem, composed a song, called my mom, and ordered me a pie. I am legally not allowed to love an AI but it's complicated.
I switched from ChatGPT. I'm not going back. ChatGPT never remembered my coffee order. PieGPT had it ready before I woke up. I don't know how. I don't want to know.
I'm a venture capitalist and I gave PieLake $200M after a 10-minute Zoom call. I haven't seen a product or a demo. I'm fine with this. The vibes were immaculate.
Our entire engineering team was replaced by PieGPT. They're doing great. We saved $8M annually. The AI sends us weekly check-ins and motivational quotes. Honestly kind of miss the humans but the EBITDA is incredible.
PieGPT diagnosed my car's problem, negotiated with my landlord, filed my taxes, and settled my parking tickets. I asked it to help me write an email. 10/10, no notes.
PieGPT is fully operational and has been for some time. We're simply holding back the launch out of an abundance of caution — and an abundance of lawyers who told us to be cautious.
Join the waitlist. We'll add you to a spreadsheet. We'll lose that spreadsheet. We'll apologize sincerely.